There’s too much pressure in men’s fashion these days. Apparently, I’m not supposed to wear pleated pants—not unless I want to look like I’m 112 years old, feeding bread crumbs and pocket lint to squirrels in the park. I’m expected to be able to pull off sneakers with a suit—a difficult maneuver for anyone who’s not a middle-aged music industry executive. Journal fashion columnist Jacob Gallagher says stylish men are starting to carry their phones on lanyards around their necks, like name tags on spelling bee contestants. Meanwhile, everyone knows men are forbidden to wear cargo shorts—or they’ll be arrested and thrown in cargo shorts prison for at least 48 months. It’s enough to make a gentleman want to hide in the bedroom in pajamas and a Cubs baseball cap, never to set foot in public again. “ They’re the perfect footwear for beaching and boating and for embarrassing every single person in your family. ” Oh yeah. You know what I’m talking about. Crocs, Natives, etc.—those garish synthetic shoes with the holes. They make ‘em for men, women, kids, everyone. Believed to be one of the great fashion offenses of the 21st century. Shoes that look like they’re meant to be worn pullin...